In the first post of this series, I wrote about how finely-tuned body awareness allows you to identify changes in the state of your nervous system, and brings insight into what triggered that change. Staying with the body also keep you established in the here and now.
When your attention does leave the present, it moves to either thoughts, emotions, or impulses (urges). Surely, we can get lost in pleasant thoughts. But much more often they are distressing ones, stirred by something unsettled inside of us—when intrusive thoughts and impulses strike, this condition of inner unrest is almost always the culprit.
Peoples’ default response to these thoughts and urges is to grasp for something (the past, the future, or something material in your environment) in order to avoid confronting that uncomfortable feeling.
The conventional wisdom is that if you are uncomfortable, you should do something about it—get something, avoid something, etc.
The usual way is to cover up [your pain] by looking for something to consume. Someone who feels lonely, who feels restless, may go open the refrigerator to take something out to eat.
We are not hungry—we eat because we want to forget the pain, the loneliness, the sorrow in us.
Or we may turn on the television, go to the internet, listen to music, take our car somewhere, telephone some. We do everything in order not to be in touch with the pain, the sorrow inside.
That’s the practice of most people in our society—covering up the pain, the sorrow inside.
The feeling of pain is an energy. As a good practitioner, you have to do something instead of run away from it.
Thicht Nhat Hahn
What this legendary late Buddhist monk means by “do something” is in fact, do nothing. Just be with your discomfort instead of trying to bury it—have and observe the experience instead of seeking to control it.
Often the reason you are uncomfortable – and try to avoid things and situations you don’t want, while seeking those you do – is insecurity. But ironically, the more you stay mindful of your consciousness and refuse to be yanked around by life, the more things will arrange themselves how they should, and the more comfortable you become with just being.
Trying to arrange all the conditions in your life in such a way to avoid any vulnerability also limits the possibility of having peak experiences because you’re always fighting the one unfolding in front of you instead of being present to it.
But by not obliging your mind when it defaults to begging you for what it “needs” to have or avoid in order to be okay, eventually you’re able to observe yourself to find out why you’re blocking yourself off from the experience instead of just being open.
As soon as you impulsively (instinctually) react to something, the mind has already left the present because you’re not voluntarily telling it to do that.
I use a hybrid model of mindfulness that incorporates awareness of thoughts, the body, and the breath. First, try to remain mindful of the body, as always. Then, when thoughts or urges arise, acknowledge them but bring the focus back to the body, visualizing them traveling down your spine, and expelling them out of the lower back on the out breath.
Early on, chances are you will not realize the reason you’re grasping. But with enough practice witnessing your consciousness and allowing impulses to pass (non-reactivity), eventually what you’re hung up on and what’s most important to your heart will be revealed.
First, stop going to the external world to be ok. From there, you begin to unburden the mind. And when it’s no longer tasked with “looking out for you” (though really it’s doing you a disservice rather than a favor), you’re led back to the heart, its pain, and your inherent truths.
For example, I’d often be in the middle of working on something, and would have the sudden impulse to check and see how my stock portfolio was doing, or if any of the YouTube channels I subscribed to had posted a new video, but without any inclination as to why. When I stopped obliging that urge, eventually I was led to the insight that it was just something to occupy my mind to avoid having to sit with my discontentment towards my standing in life, and my lack of initiative to improve it.
Before I knew it, all I was living for was my next meal and what I would watch during it, though this sad realization wasn’t fully apparent until I really became mindful of my existence.
But even after what I needed to do to really feel significant had become evident, I continued to seek comfort in my YouTube “Watch Later” playlist and fantasy sports instead of making the changes necessary to manifest a life of purpose, which made the pain that much worse—especially as those escapes increasingly failed to provide the reward I had anticipated.
My mind became complex as I continued to constantly grasp for any distraction which came into my awareness to avoid actually doing the work—I just kept adding more things on top of the pain in my heart, burying it deeper and deeper, and losing touch with my root.
The reason you are depressed is because you continue to feed it. How do you expect to feel when you keep scrolling Instagram and seeing everyone you used to know living (what appears like) their best lives? Or see people you started following because they are doing what you want to do, doing just that?
Or what is the benefit in binging old home movies in an attempt to return to simpler times when you weren’t so emotionally-conflicted? It’s one thing to occasionally relish nostalgia if you feel fulfilled, but when your outlook towards yourself and your future is bleak, relics from the past only add to your agitation.
The more you make the mind (consciousness) the object of your awareness, the better you’re able to recognize these types of tendencies and see what they’re rooted in. And then when you don’t give in to those inclinations, the weaker that conditioning becomes until eventually it dissolves entirely, making your ability to stay with the object of your consciousness – whether body, breath or mind – more robust.
On the flip side, proactively keeping life simple and limiting external stimulation is another actionable way to start bringing the focus back inside.
Up next: Part III – Simplicity.
– CC
Conscious Consumption 